Need to Find Time!

Am I the only one living in times where I can’t literally find time?

Come home, have dinner with us, let’s catch up, I’m coming from Canada, let’s go see the little kid, let’s celebrate Makar Sankranti together, I’ve got something for you, we must catch up, we need a trip to Uttarakhand, what plans for your anniversary, let’s meet tomorrow for the discussion of the proposal… aaaahhhhhhhh.

Yes, I have friends—really good friends. And yes, I live 5 kms away from my family. Yes, everyone is important. Every moment is cherishable.

In all of this, when my parents suggest some plans, I tell them: I wanna be there. I also want you to calm down with the plans. There are so many things happening all the time… every day.

I keep questioning the slow life, the concept of time. I keep seeking space from stuff around me, from activities around me. We all like things, but what’s the point when I’m diminishing, and the stuff around me is increasing, with less and less room for me? I feel chaotic all the time. You notice the overuse of the word “time” because, in reality, I’m in a dearth of it.

I told my parents I’m trying to find time for myself, where I can sit with no stuff around me, only me and my thoughts. How am I supposed to analyse 2025, write about it, and enter 2026 (already 9 days into it, losing the kickstart for sure) with clarity and goals? Yes, I’m in that phase where I need goals, especially when I am so eager and determined to work on them. But how will I begin when I haven’t found the time to think about them?

When I was younger, I always thought we all have time; it’s just a matter of priority. You’ve got no time for me? Well, it’s not meant to be. Now, I have to go meet a dear friend and her newborn. I have to go meet an uncle who is recovering, and when my grandfather was travelling, I was unable to find time to do these… While I am able to meet my desired quota of important gatherings and meetings, there are some that I care for equally that are not being met, especially the date I am supposed to have with one myself and another with my husband.

Am I blabbing about being busy? Well, someday, it’s a blessing to be busy, cherish it while you have it. Guess what: when I was young, must be in 12th std., during a time when I was juggling between ideas of what my ambition is, I resorted to saying, “I’ll keep busy.” Now, today, I can’t find time for myself. What a full circle.

Coming back to the concept of time.

Living in a world surrounded by ETAs, quick commerce, fast food, fast fashion, 10-minute deliveries, etc., are we losing the essence of time? There’s a line from the Hindi movie Yeh Jawaani Hai Deewani that says:

वक़्त किसी के लिए नहीं रुकता। बीतता वक़्त है, लेकिन खर्च हम होते हैं…

Paraphrasing: Time doesn’t stop for anyone, and while it passes, we get spent.

I feel this way. I value time. There are so many things I wanna do:

I want to run, I want to swim, I want to learn how to play the piano, I want to complete learning Morse Code, I want to learn a piece of Rashmirathi, I want to write my thoughts, I want to learn how to drape a saree properly, I want to read a book and write about it, I wanna build a business, I want to develop a personal brand—trust me, I have a list that keeps on going. But as usual, there’s always “eat that frog first,” which makes me distant from myself and my goals.

The concept of doing more, thinking less—it works, it has its value. I am doing a lot, but now, I need to think more. When I say think more, I want to have the space and time to gather and structure my thoughts, and then plan forward. Independent consultants and freelancers get it: they value personal routine/personal organisation, they work on it for years and hone that skill. I want this skill. Job has ruined me, in this way…

So, see, I digress yet again. About time:
People who are going through the above are mostly similar to my age. The following are some experiences which will show the presence of time:

In times of quick service, we have lost the value of patience. We are less patient.
We WhatsApp, we DM, we read, we respond. But a letter is a conscious thought for the writer and a deep feeling for the reader. The message stays.
There is love, there is passion, there are grand gestures of love. What about the flow of energy just by a touch, just by holding hands for a long time?
There are concepts of drinking where the glass must never be empty. What about drinking (well, a good single malt) 1 peg and experiencing how each sip changes the gravity of the conversation. Isn’t that why one drinks? What’s the deal with gulping it!
The concept of putting a timer on activities—derailing the focus from the activity to the ticking clock!
When you nudge and poke your sibling, out of boredom, while building stories of growing up together. The art of reading a poem and a story to your partner on a lazy day, and talking about the dynamics and those times. Boredom is underrated; it brings out gems.

Yesterday, I went to meet a friend after 4 years since I last saw her. We are a group of 6, two of whom are not in town. Out of the 4, one recently had a baby, so, of course, we met at her place. Now, the entire gathering was great, but the highlight for me was the moments when the kiddo was between sleeps and the 4 of us (who have known each other for more than a decade now) just looked at him in silence so that he could go back to sleep… It was a moment I’d not experienced with this group before. It was slow, and it was a feeling I can’t describe, and it was precious. And I lost track of time…

Makes me think of how times change, how we transform, how we grow. How the friendship evolves. Are we just racing against time? Are you hopping from experience to experience, without truly feeling? Are we just living a standard without thinking of creating our own rules? Are we travelling to places because everyone is, or are we creating our own journey?

Are we conforming?

No problem in conforming. The problem is: we are conforming because we don’t have the time to think… Our biggest asset of thought and creativity is being lost in this fast-paced life. You are not a superior creature; you are not a creator; you are a victim of chaos—leaving less room for feelings, genuine thought, and creativity…

I want to experience the slow life: with an abundance of fresh air, an abundance of time, an abundance of thought and an abundance of feelings—in essence an abundance of living…